Funny Valentines Day Jokes




Funny Valentines Day Jokes


Every time if you repeat your activities on a special day like Valentines Day, your close ones are sure to get bored. They find it really monotonous to be treated in the similar manner. Try to be innovative in your approach and do something different that wins the heart of your loved ones. One of the best things one can do is to crack some jokes which one finds really difficult to resist them from bursting into laughter. So, this Valentine's Day try something special to enlighten the spirit of the day. Read our collection of some of the funniest, wittiest and hilarious jokes and one-liners that are sure to entertain you and your beloved this Valentine's Day.

Humorous Valentines Day Jokes

A Little Nut About Love 
Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. "Why the new sign?" I asked. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old one," she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: "Local Honey Date Nuts"

Perfectly Paired Puns
As Valentine's Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. When I discovered that his favorite red-plaid pants had a broken zipper, I thought I had the "perfect Valentine." I had the pants repaired, and gift-wrapped them. On the package I put a huge red heart on which I printed: "My Heart Pants for You." I was the surprised one, however, when I saw the same heart taped to our formerly empty, but now overflowing, wood box. On it he had written: "Wood You Be My Valentine?"

A Kiss
A kiss is a peculiar proposition of no use to one, yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing. 
It's the baby's right, the lover's privilege, and the hypocrite's mask.
To a young girl, it shows faith; to a married woman, hope; and to an old maid, charity.

Undying Love
Male: Do you love me?
Female: Yes, Dear.
Male: Would you die for me?
Female: No. Mine is an undying love.

The Divorce Lawyer 
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. 

Love is Blind?
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.' 

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?' 

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.' 

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

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